To Love in Vain
by vlad the inhaler
Summary: A twist on Ron Weasley and the Love Potion mishap in book six.


"It's here somewhere," Harry mumbled, throwing a a number of half eaten boxes of sweets out of his trunk. "Where's it gotten to?" Continuing to rummage around, Harry failed to note when Ron suddenly became utterly silent. It was only when he was suddenly poked several times in the back that he turned his attention back to his gangly friend. "Yes Ron, what is it that you need to tell my kidn--"

Harry paused, gobsmacked by the utterly ridiculous grin that was threatening to break off of Ron's face. "Harry," he whispered loudly. "_Harry!" _If possible, his smile grew wider. "There's something I need to tell you." Ron's eyes criss-crossed around the room, causing Harry to roll his eyes. "Nobody's here Ron – everyone else, like they do every year, went home for Christmas. So," Harry held up his invisibility cloak. "Unless Hermione took this from me, and used it to get in here unnoticed, before putting it right back where I left it, I think it's safe to say it's just the pair of us."

Ron clearly hadn't listened to a word he said. "Harry, it's urgent! It feels like my heart is going to break into a million pieces." Suddenly, Harry grew anxious – had someone cursed Ron with a delaying hex? "I love her Harry, I love her so much. We... we need to find her, now!" Harry's eyes bugged out – sure he'd noticed the tension between Hermione and Ron, but what happened now to make Ron go like this? Still, mates were mates. "Right then Ron, let's go find Hermione and you can tell her how you feel?"

"_Hermio-- who?" _Ron asked, clearly baffled. "Romilda, Harry, Romilda!" Suddenly, Ron was a million miles away. "You know, Romilda Vane. When she smiles at me I think I could just lie forever in the warmth of her happiness. And the way her eyes shine, and her silky hair I could just stroke forever, and the jiggle of her boobs, and the shape of --" "Yes, Ron... thank you." Harry shook his head, apparently trying to remove the images that Ron had so... artistically created." Now though, he needed to think fast.

He looked down, not noting the copious number of missing chocolates, or the telltale smear on Ron's mouth. He _knew _this, he did. Something Hermione had told him before, perhaps. The irrational feelings, almost as if... Bloody hell! Of course... "Right Ron... um... yeah I talked to Romilda earlier this morning actually, before you woke up." Ron was now paying full attention, his eyes betraying a flash of jealousy and anger, as well as intense concentration. "She was going to say Merry Christmas to Professor Slughorn."

The anger came back, in full force now. "SLUGHORN" Ron bellowed. "That great fat arrogant berk of a Slytherin! Why if he so much lays one finger on her precious head..."

Harry winced. Clearly, today was going to be one of those days. "Calm down Ron. He's a Potions Master, not a pedophile." Harry gave it a moment of thought. "Though... to be honest, he _is _a little obsessive with the students isn't he? And what _are_ the laws in the wizarding world?" Okay, it was a cheap shot, but seeing Ron go utterly mad over a fourth year he'd never spoken two words to... he needed to get something out of it.

"Anyway," Harry said, taking charge once again. "We'd better get going then! I'm sure she's fine, but we wouldn't want to miss her – who knows where she'll be off to next."

Harry didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the look of utter panic on Ron's face.

Ron let out a furious war cry, and in a moment, was dragging Harry behind him, bellowing nonsense as the two rocketed out of the Gryffindor Tower, leaving an utterly appalled Hermione in their wake.

Ten minutes later, they were barreling into the dungeons, where Ron began to pound upon the door of Slughorn's office. "Professor!" he screamed. "I know she's in there with you! Open up this instant!"

"Ron," Harry hissed, "She's not going to want to talk to you if you're acting crazy." In an instant, Ron stopped, though he could not stop his body from trembling. "Professor, it's Harry. We have a little bit of a... situation sir." He spoke as calmly as he could to the door. A moment later the door opened, the obese professor welcoming them with large, pudgy hands. "Ah come in, Merry Christmas to you Mr. Potter, Mr. Wessel." Both boys nodded back – not caring to correct the professor. "Merry Christmas to you too, sir," Harry replied. "We have a bit of a sit--"

"Where are you hiding her? Romilda! Romilda! My sweet little sugar puff!" Harry and Slughorn shared a look of comprehension and mutual sympathies, before Slughorn spoke.

"Ah Ronald... no need to worry. This... Romilda is indeed coming here to..." he tailed off, looking at Harry. "Wish you a Merry Christmas," Harry supplied. Slughorn nodded, "Indeed, to wish me a Merry Christmas. But she hasn't come just yet, and what a lucky break that is! We'll have you all neat and ready to go and woo the girl with your charming self – now isn't that a capital plan?"

Ron nodded, suddenly looking at his shaking hands in a new light. "No girl would go out with me looking like this," he claimed unhappily.

Slughorn paused. "Yes... yes, quite. Which is why we're all lucky that I have a few potions that will have you right a rain then, isn't it? Calming Potion and... well isn't this nice, I just happen to have one dose of Handsome Potion left as well. Consider it my Christmas gift to such an outstanding student such as yourself, Mr. Wessel," Slughorn said, pasting a clearly insincere grin to his face.

Harry sighed in exasperation. For one supposedly so well versed in the arts of manipulation, Slughorn certainly was transparent. Good thing Ron was simply too far gone to notice.

"Handsome Potion!" Ron screamed. "Give it to me!"

"Calming Potion first," Slughorn replied. "Handsome Potion won't work if you don't down the lot of it, and in your condition, I'd expect you'd end up smashing it to pieces." Without a pause, he grabbed Ron's head, pulling it back and downing the entire contents of a small vial down Ron's throat. In an instant, his trembling stopped.

"Now lad, drink this here and your young lady won't be able to keep her eyes off you, you devilish chap." Nodding, Ron gulped it down in two swallows. Immediately after, Harry had to bite his lip to keep from laughing aloud as Ron's eyes bugged out in horror, as his face turned a magnificent shade of red. "Blood hell..." he choked.

"Well, nasty business love potions, but at least that's taken care of. Still, after something like that, best to share a drink all around, wouldn't you say lads? This was supposed to be my gift to Albus, but I'm sure he'll understand..."

Harry looked over at Ron, who looked slightly less terrible at the thought of getting a sip of booze, and Harry quickly stood up. "I'm sorry professor but..." he looked down, glancing quickly at Ron. "It seems that in his state, Ron might have said a few things to a friend... a close friend... that he might want to rectify a soon as possible." Ron's eyes widened. "Oh Bollocks! Hermione!"

Harry nodded. Seeing Slughorn's dejected expression, he continued. "I'm sorry professor..." he pretended to pause, deep in thought. "Of course, maybe this works for the best. I meant to come by later this afternoon you know – the other day in Hogsmead, I picked up a box of crystallized pineapple, and I thought it would make a good gift to you. Suppose I come back later this afternoon, and we can share a drink and a candy... maybe you could share another story about my mother?" Slughorn beamed, and Harry made a note to send Hedwig to Hogsmead before lunch.

"Right then. Best you lads be off to make amends." With that parting, the two headed back towards the tower. "Ron... mate... probably best if I leave you to deal with Hermione alone, yeah? Probably a few things that you need to say that would work better if I wasn't there." Ron seemed to pause, weighing the pros and cons of his friend's presence. "Yeah," he finally said slowly, "s'pose that might be a good idea."

With a sympathetic gesture, Harry parted ways, heading alone towards the seventh floor.

Idly, he pulled a cauldron cake out of his pocket, nibbling slowly. Bloody Ron, those candies were gifts for _him_. He was just eating them slowly was all – one every other day to be precise.

The thought left his mind as he headed towards the Room of Requirements. After all, he needed to pay a Very Merry Christmas to the most beautiful girl in all the world.


End file.
